Why You Can't Just Go For A Drive In A CTS-V Wagon

"Michael Ballaban" (ballaban) 09/24/2013 at 20:21 • Filed to: cadillac cts-v

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I'm on vacation right now and Cadillac has graciously loaned me a CTS-V Wagon (Diamond Black edition, of course), and it's great. Stupendous. Wonderful. Except it's sitting in the driveway, and I'm afraid to drive it.

It's not the 556 horsepowers or the 551 torques that I'm afraid of – rather the opposite. Those things are fantastic . It feels like there's some sort of fusion powerplant under the hood, and while it may sound strange to compare it in such terms, the only true similarities I see in terms of torque delivery were in a hydrogen car I once drove. It's just a massive, complete onslaught of torque in such a way that there's never a low point.

The reason why I'm afraid of it, sadly, is the fuel consumption. I'm right now averaging somewhere around 14 MPG, and that's without too heavy a foot. Seriously, this isn't stupid auto-journo talk, I'm in the middle of a long trip right now, with hours of highway driving of around 70 MPH. I feel like I'm constantly filling up or, at the very least, looking for a gas station, and a lot of that is also down to its piddly 18 gallon fuel tank with such a bomb of an engine. Right now I've got about the same range as a Tesla Model S between stops (yeah, I know that the CTS-V doesn't take four hours to fill up, but I'm making a point here).

And with fuel prices of $4.09/gallon for the premium that this dark monster needs, I shouldn't have to mention that that adds up quite quickly.

So the Caddy sits in the driveway for now, until I next need it. Oh, don't you worry, I'm not going all soft on you guys. I find reasons to "need" it all the time. Frozen custard treat? Need it. Looking for a nice scenic spot? Need it. I think I saw a deer some ways down thataway? Need it. But just go for a drive?

Only if it's on the way to the next fuel stop.

Photo credit: Michael Ballaban

PS9 > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:23

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Don't you guys have a Jalop Gold expense account for such things, or something?

Michael Ballaban > PS9 09/24/2013 at 20:24

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Of course. But it's tied directly to Raphael Orlove's personal account, and if we charge too much he may start to notice. Shhhhhhh.

pdthedeuce > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:25

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yeah, that truly is sad, because how cool would it be to go on a vacation in that thing.

HammerheadFistpunch > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:28

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14? lucky. My last fillup this morning was 12.5

12Valve > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:28

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Seriously stop complaining, not to be a jerk but uhh everytime I get on Oppo recently I see a post about you "not wanting to drive this CTS-V wagon". Do I have to come over to your house and b*tch slap you to make you undertand this missed opportunity?
You're being a miserable person complaining about the smallest problems with this AMAZING VEHICLE. 99% of the worlds population will never get to drive or ride in one of this bad boys. I cannot and most likely will not be able to afford it let alone get the chance to drive it. Come to Wilmington, NC and give me the keys, dare I say you don't even DESERVE this manly iron horse. Saddle-up or shut up *flame suit on*

Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:29

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Give it a white rims and i'm sold.

PS9 > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:29

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Here's a more serious idea; have everyone chip into a 'road trip' jar every two weeks or so, $20 Minimum. Then, when something like an AMG wagon get's loaned to Jalopnik, you guys fight to the death to see who gets the road trip jar.

Or, you know, draw straws. That could work too.

Michael Ballaban > pdthedeuce 09/24/2013 at 20:31

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Ha yeah, like I said. It's incredible. A truly swell car. Plus, how many 550+ HP beasts do you know that can do this?

Wave Motion Gun > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:31

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Do what I do whenever I sneak into a super fancy bar or club:

Tell them to put it on Nick Denton's tab. You'd be surprised how often that works. If they ask who I am, I tell them I'm Max Read.

If they say no, try the Underhill account.

Deal Killer - Powered by Focus > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:32

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A simple problem, a small fuel tank, finds a simple solution, a fuel trailer. An extra 55 gallons of go juice.

Michael Ballaban > Deal Killer - Powered by Focus 09/24/2013 at 20:33

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SOLUTION!

Michael Ballaban > 12Valve 09/24/2013 at 20:34

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Hahahaha yeah you have a point. Don't get me wrong, I am driving this thing like crazy. Seven hours yesterday, 3 today, another 3 tomorrow, and then seven again on Thursday. It's definitely getting use. It's an incredible car, with incredible speed and incredible utility. Definitely one of my favorites.

Clown Shoe Pilot > 12Valve 09/24/2013 at 20:34

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I was going to write basically the same thing, but you just saved me the time.

Nut up or shut up. Nobody wants to hear "Waaaah, GM gave me a flagship ride to use for free and I have to PUT GAS IN IT."

Michael Ballaban > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. 09/24/2013 at 20:34

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Not white rims.

White walls.

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:34

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Looks like you are just going to have to pimp Orlove's ass out for gas money. He'll understand I'm sure.

Blondude > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:35

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*waits for Doug DeMuro to call you a wuss*

pdthedeuce > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:35

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exactly...it's soooo close to being an actual practical sports(...umm sporty? not sure on this one) car.

dogisbadob > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. 09/24/2013 at 20:36

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white cars with white rims are awesome

dogisbadob > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:36

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If you're really light with it you can get away with using regular :p

Michael Ballaban > Blondude 09/24/2013 at 20:36

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Oh I deserve that, and much more. Only he's got that sweet, sweet automotive e-book ca$$$h (it's a #1 bestseller in my house).

I gotta write me one of those.

JustWaitingForAMate > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 20:44

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So after converting from your archaic hand spans per chicken weight measurement system to metric and back again I'm paying $6.10USD a gallon, all day erryday while driving a 6 liter V8. Please...stop complaining about US gas prices.

SpeedSix > Aya, Almost Has A Cosmo With Toyota Engine Owned by a BMW. 09/24/2013 at 22:05

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Black cars with black rims with a chrome lip are even better.

Jayhawk Jake > Michael Ballaban 09/24/2013 at 23:17

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You get to drive a high performance car for just the price of gas? I'm sorry, am I supposed to feel bad for you?

I get the complaint about the mileage, but seriously don't bitch about it. If you had bought the car I might empathize, but you didn't. Even with twice the gas mileage, I'm probably paying more between my car payment, insurance, and gas per month than you are for gas alone, and yet you've got about 4 times more power in one of the best cars of this century.

Bitch about gas mileage all you want, but don't come here and act like you've got a problem.

Collin > Michael Ballaban 09/25/2013 at 02:15

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If only Cadillac had been gracious enough to foot the bill for your gas.

topgunner > Michael Ballaban 09/25/2013 at 16:34

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But most importantly is it a manual?

*waits for Doug Demuro to choke me out from behind*

Rickster3rd ¯\_()_/¯ > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 14:14

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Yeah but nothing beats a two line burnout with car seats and a load of groceries in the back.

Dsscats > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 14:36

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Or get a sponsorship from a big gas company like shell or something...

efme > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 14:45

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i get 15.3. stop driving like a dick ;)

Alex87f > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 14:46

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Let's do some math here:

14mpg * 4.09$/ga
<=> 4.09$ = 14mi
<=> 29.2$ per 100 miles.

Let's do the same for my car, a 1.6 liter Suzuki swift sport:
For people who live in a country where it isn't sold, it's a 2 300lbs "sporty" small hatchback with a 1.6 L4 and 125hp, and a 5MT, and it looks like this:

(yes, I like using that picture to brag about how I went to the Nürburging with the car, gimme a break here, please? Let me brag at least once, OK? Pretty please? Thank you, that's more like it. No really, thanks, I mean it.)

I'm quite light-footed and use the car for commuting. Over the last 14 000km, my average cost per 100km was 11.57€, equivalent to 15.6USD / 100km

15.6 USD / 100km
<=> 25.2USD / 100mi

So your 550hp, 180+mph, RWD, 4400lbs wagon costs you only about 16% more to drive than my small 125hp hatchback. And you're complaining?

The worst thing it that my example is set in Belgium, where petrol prices are really not the worst in the world, with a car that gets about 33mpg. Think about people who owns Impreza's and stuff.

Ah, I feel better after this. Thanks.

PS: cool car, have fun with it!

Lip > Deal Killer - Powered by Focus 09/26/2013 at 14:57

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Nice call!

Just4GP > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 15:03

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That book only sells for $3 on Amazon. I'm sure between the E63 AMG and the CTS-V (especially after that last road trip) those saved up nickles are gone.

TylerLinner > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 15:08

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Sounds a lot like owning my '65 Ford truck. 15 mpg, 15 gallons at 'E', lots of fun to drive.

tsmit > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 15:20

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still better than my old badass wagon, srt8 magnum got a whole 9 mpg woot woot, that thing was slowly emptying my bank account ><

crazysaturn > JustWaitingForAMate 09/26/2013 at 15:32

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If it helps, Americans are paying far more in taxes/accrued national debt thanks to all the wars and political aid we've spent money on to keep our gas so cheap. Now if only I got my refund for biking most of the time... :D

Doug DeMuro > Just4GP 09/26/2013 at 15:54

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Book sales have been surprisingly brisk, but yeah - they basically covered my fuel on my cross-country roadtrip last month.

Doug DeMuro > topgunner 09/26/2013 at 15:55

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All the legit ones are manual!

Doug DeMuro > pdthedeuce 09/26/2013 at 15:55

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I know, right?!

Just4GP > Doug DeMuro 09/26/2013 at 16:04

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Glad I was able to contribute to the trip. Now if I can only find time to read the book.

Hardwarewars > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 16:10

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pdthedeuce > Doug DeMuro 09/26/2013 at 16:11

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I just wish someone would post a road trip article using one of these . might be interesting...

dariof01 > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 16:29

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volvomoose > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 18:28

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But damn if the Diamond Black edition isn't gorgeous!

Clauss Von Sacher-Masoch > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 19:37

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its a supercharged vette engine in a 2 ton car...how this was a surprise, i do not know, but should they switch to turbos, so under 3500rpm it gets that good corvette 25mpg, and after...BAWOOSH!

Michael Ballaban > efme 09/26/2013 at 19:39

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Oops... over the whole week I averaged 14.1.

Clauss Von Sacher-Masoch > Clauss Von Sacher-Masoch 09/26/2013 at 19:45

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i say corvette, because the LSA is as close to the LS9 as it gets. give or take cast pistons and compression ratio.

Atomic Buffalo > Michael Ballaban 09/26/2013 at 23:53

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You know what? I hate the people who say "it's not the lousy fuel economy, honest it's not; it's the tiny fuel tank."

Bollocks!

If you get 14mpg and you buy 16 gallons at a time, your range is 224 miles. That's 16 gallons of gasoline, not some proprietary battery pack, not a mogul-installed charger, not a 240V outlet, not even diesel. Gasoline is available everywhere.

And how long does it take you to cover those 224 miles? Let's keep it simple: if you drive 100mph, that's two hours and fifteen minutes of driving. If you couldn't use a stretch or a piss after driving fast & safe for two hours, you're too young to afford this car in the first place, and probably dehydrated and creating future posture problems.

Range anxiety in a gasoline-powered car in America is irrational; running out of gas on a road trip, even in a thirsty road warrior with a small tank, is just negligence.

I drove my CTS-V wagon across Nevada on the Loneliest Road in America. I hauled ass. I was never at risk of running out of gas. That was part of a 3100-mile road trip with no time on Interstates. Yes, the car can get very thirsty if you attack the twisties, so top off before you go wandering. But everybody needs to quit acting like the CTS-V's range is some kind of existential crisis.

Now, is grand touring in a V more expensive for all that gas? Yes, but take a perspective pill — 14mpg isn't bad over the history of fast GTs, so this kind of manly adventure has always had a non-trivial price. And BTW, you'll probably do much better than 14mpg if you're pouring on the miles and not being stupid with the gearbox.

So if you have access to a CTS-V, man up and roadtrip that whip.

I mean, how can you not "just go for a drive in a CTS-V wagon?" Fuel consumption? That's like not sleeping with your supermodel girlfriend because she has expensive taste in lingerie and insists on those fancy condoms.

/rant

Atomic Buffalo > Wave Motion Gun 09/26/2013 at 23:58

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"MRS. STANWYCK!"

That French Guy > Alex87f 09/27/2013 at 10:54

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Think about people who owns Impreza's and stuff.

Yes... think about me !

26mpg is the best I can get and if I want to be a little "naughty" I drop easily to 20 and I don't even dare to calculate when I'm feeling sporty.
So I'm about 20€/100km, translating in US means 27$/100km so about 36$/100mi.
And I have 40% of the CTS-V's power.

Alex87f > That French Guy 09/27/2013 at 13:00

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Haha, I'm french too, though I live in Belgium.
One of my very good friend owns a very nice 2000 GT Wagon, and he gets 22-24mpg.

I absolutely love this car and I'd love having one, but with Belgian taxes and the fact that I use the car to get to work, plus the crazy prices they go for, it's close to impossible. And good luck finding a low-mileage, un-molested one..

Doug DeMuro > pdthedeuce 09/27/2013 at 13:18

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Yeah. Somewhere cool too, like across the country and back.

Doug DeMuro > Just4GP 09/27/2013 at 13:19

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I PROMISE IT'S WORTH IT!

pdthedeuce > Doug DeMuro 09/27/2013 at 13:27

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I should probably do that...wait...no, I really don't have a way of getting ahold of a CTS-V wagon...what to do, what to do...

Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time? > Doug DeMuro 09/27/2013 at 13:31

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Absolutely agree!! A fascinating read, excellent character development, surprising plot twists, and a mystery that is only revealed at the end!

Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time? > Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time? 09/27/2013 at 13:32

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Oh, wait ... wrong book ...

Doug DeMuro > Remember dialing "popcorn" for the time? 09/27/2013 at 16:17

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No, you had it right. It's a regular Dan Brown novel, really.

Doug DeMuro > pdthedeuce 09/27/2013 at 16:17

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Dude! Mine is sitting at the airport for the next week if you need it.

That French Guy > Alex87f 09/28/2013 at 07:32

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Well, mine was less than 70.000mi, un-molested, good shape, for the low price of 6.000€.

Alex87f > That French Guy 09/28/2013 at 08:16

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Nice find!

I think a similar one would set me back around they same, maybe a bit more. But add register taxes (incl. C02), and you end up paying about 9 - 10 000€ to have in "on the road".

And I'm not a big fan of the idea of selling my not-even-4-years-old 15 000 miles Swift, adding money, and ending up with a 13 years old Subaru :p. Though I have to admit I love having a go at my friend's Subie every once in a while!